Day 169 | May 20 of 2013
There’s this hole in my soul, in my very being. No matter what I do, I can never fill it.
1 day ago-
May 20, 2013
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May 16, 2013
Day 168 | May 16 of 2013
I was going about my business, and I saw one little post and suddenly I felt lost and alone. I don’t know know why, I just know that it’s not jealousy anymore. Ore maybe it is, I don’t know.
5 days ago -
May 6, 2013
Day 167 | May 6 of 2013
I have no right to be in love with her. I don’t know her, I’ve met her once. That’s it. Just once. I can’t be in love with her. Its just jealousy, simple as that.
No matter how much I keep telling myself that, it doesn’t feel true.
2 weeks ago -
April 24, 2013
Day 166 | April 24 of 2013
There’s something eerily comforting about being lonely. It’s being left alone, with all the time in the world. Only thing is that when you have so much time and you start to wander around your mind, and every so often you wander into a corner you wish you hadn’t.
Now I don’t mean those places that make you remember an embarrassing moment of your life, but I mean a place where you remember something deeper. A corner of your mind that shows you something you wanted to forget because of the emotions you felt. The kind of emotions that run deep. The kind that you try to bury deep down, so you don’t have to remember them.
Well wish that we could forget about them, even though deep down we know that those memories and emotions are what make us who we are. But nevertheless we still wish we could forget or change them.
3 weeks ago -
April 22, 2013
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April 11, 2013
Day 166 | April 11 of 2013
Nothing feels right anymore. I just so tired, more tired than I’ve ever been. I really do wish that I knew why, I just want to know….
1 month ago -
April 4, 2013
Day 165 | April 4 of 2013
I’ve lived in this house for most of my life. But now it doesn’t feel like home, it just feels like a house. A place that I keep all my crap. And I don’t know why, and that scares me. I guess that’s why I’ve always felt homesick….
1 month ago -
April 3, 2013
Day 164 | April 3rd of 2013
I finished watching The Perks of Being a Wallflower. It’s a really good movie. It just something about it that bothered me, wasn’t the movie itself, but what it made me feel. It reminded me of who I really am.
I’m the one that can be lifted out. I’m the one that always wanted to be special, but wasn’t. Hell I’m not even normal, I’m just invisible. Or rather, I was never noticed, and after a while, I just stayed that way. When I finally started to get noticed, I left, I wanted to be invisible. I felt that I wasn’t need, or my friends could go on without me. I still thinks that’s true, or rather I know that’s true.
In high school, my senior year, I was in the art club, and they were my friends, but only because of our association. They we’re all so close knit, that in the small time I had with them, I’d never be able to fit with them. Our interests were too different I suppose. But besides them, I had two other groups.
I was in a smaller group of friends, it was usually only three of us. We’d hang out sometimes on the weekends. We were close, well not really it just felt close I suppose.
I also had another group and we’d meet during lunch in an upstairs room of our school, we’d chat and stuff, but even then I wasn’t fully compatible. They loved anime, metal and loved video games. I liked those things yeah, but it wasn’t how they loved it. It was who they were, and I didn’t know who I was. After a while, I just didn’t feel right, I knew they could find someone better for their group. So I left. There was one girl though, she noticed that after a while I’d started to phase myself out of the group. She didn’t want me to leave, she told me that they cared about me. I know they did, well most of them anyway, the only thing was I knew that they could find someone so much better.
I left them, well I only came back every so often, when I needed to. When I started to phase myself out, I just stayed in my art class and tried to do something. I made myself invisible.
1 month ago -
April 2, 2013
Day 163 | April 2, 2013
Another sleepless night, where I am left alone to wonder who I really am. I refuse to believe that I am a combination of that which is around me. And as much as I believe that in the end, we are the stories that we tell, my story has yet to end.
1 month ago -
March 31, 2013
Day 162 | March 31 2013
Finding out she has a kid did something. For the last four years I always thought I hated her, but no. I don’t hate her, I hate what I became because of her.
1 month ago
